German Roofing

Swing When You're Winning....

2008-05-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd update my blog with a picture update from my recent trip to Wembley with a couple of fellas I met online through the swinging scene, Matthew Pitt, who you may know as YorkiePud from the poker scene and his other half. Anyway, not much of a post needed as the pictures pretty much speak for themselves.

Got caught short on the coach trip down there. Too much malt loaf. Fibreous. £10 Spot prize to the first to point out the correct leaf I used to wipe.

There was a fire scare in the pub pre-match. Good job roofer was on hand with his hose to dowse those flames!

Anyway, would like to give a shout out of appreciation to YorkiePud and his partner (pic below) for a cracking trip. Cheers Fellas.

NOTE: My usual photo editer was watching the Osmonds on Jonathan Woss so you will have to make do with my artistic impression.

Congrats On Z Babba's Michael

2008-02-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

As im sure your all aware by now, that our good mate, burnley mick the super cool dick pictured below, has recieved the good news tht his missus is up the duff with twins!! Big shout out!!

I duno how he managed to knock up tht fly invested vagina, must of been a double dare or a £2.27 bet! Recoup those losses from tht monster DAROUGE scooped off him! As you can see frm pic below, she's no kim n aggy in the hygiene department. Ive seen cleaner guttering up on them there roofs. Tht vaginal opening is all blocked up like a down pipe in mid Autumn! Jeez louise thelma!

Ah well in 9 months time, imagine the shock cool dick will have wen they pop out lookin like Tito and Jermaine Jackson, or should i say Titmaine Jackson!

We all doubted he cud father kids anyway lets b honest. After a paternity test and a long drawn out court battle, the father proved to be KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMBOOO!! No suprise there then cos tht nigga luvs tht southern fried, fly infested finger lickin good greasy shit, cos he knows a nigga gota eat!

YorkiePud loves his sandwiches because hes really interbread!

2008-02-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

I swear down lads this here is a true story honest to god, heard it straight from the puds mouth after his 3 litres of white lightening. Keep it on the low down though he swore me to secrecy.

A few years back, during his experimental youth, Pud wasnt sure which team to bat for. As a result he decided to test out the waters at a well known local glory hole ,"A hole located in a partition in which one's penis is inserted, thus separating the participants and ensuring anonymity throughout the act of copulation or fellatio." Anyway down on his hands an knees he gets waiting patiently for a big one to flop through the hole, as it does he clasps his hands round it like a vice and theres no way hes letting go, he shoves it straight into his gob and sucks for all his worth (about $5.60 in his stars account.) As he was sucking he said he did think jeez Louise this cocks familiar, it must be an old flame, however he carried on regardless. Anyway the guy finishes his business zips up and walks out of the cubicle, Pud, still with spunk on his chops, follows him out and comes face to face with.........ONLY HIS FUCKING DAD! No lies lads, I swear down on our Connies eyes. Unbelievable.

When asked if Puds fellatio skills were any good Puds dad decided that a picture is better than a thousand words and sent us this:

Anyway,you would think this would have deterred him, but no hes been back up to his old tricks again recently. Only this time the fish bit and run the guy! He wasnt too happy, followed him outside and smashed his car up! Puds been shitting a brick and emailing the roofer for back up.

Its ok Puds, your secrets safe with me.

As requested by spunksock...A Pair of Tits

2007-10-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

First Tit, BurnelyMik, say no more.

Second Tit, Portdeco, Keyboard warrior, dont fuck with him lads!

Coming Soon: The Rise and Fall of Ed 'The Hero' Hollis.

2007-10-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

Will be adding a 6 chapter illustrated biography showing the highs and lows of my online poker idol, Eddie 'bluescouse' Hollis over the coming weeks, but in the mean time, to matters more at hand.....

BurnleyMik, Id like to issue an apology to you.

At first I thought you were a geezer and a boy and would be able to banter but since seeing the way you have reacted and cried over it its obvious you really are one of those moaning fish, nitty losing poker players. I mean the graphs you posted on your blog are testament to that:

I mean come on, when you take the away the money you spent on pokerxfactor ($150 + $25 monthly), the cost of your broadband and leccy, the cost of wear and tear on your keyboard and damage done to your health (RSI, dicky eye sight, stress from the roofers abuse etc) is it really worthwhile you playing poker as you are clearly operating at a significant loss. I mean look at the state of your graph, its not consistant, I mean its up n down more than your missus knickers when your in work. It shows that you are a clueless fish relying on a rush of cards to make some before eventually losing it back on a cold streak.
From your blog I see you are happy with this graph stating that 'id like to see how many players can play 1000 games and be in profit'. Well the roofer has a crossbook challenge for you should you have the stones to accept. We will both play 1000 games over a set time period at a specified stake, and whoever turns the biggest profit will win and the loser will double the winners profit. So for example, I make $500 profit and you make $300 I win the challenge and you have to pay me $500. We could both pay a $500 deposit to amatay (no funky ideas you fish I know where you work ;) ) so no backing out can happen. THE ROOFER IS A MAN OF HIS WORD! Let me know if you accept the challenge and at what stakes and we will get cracking.

P.S Dont think I dont know its you Mik who reported my blog for innappropriate content. I saw the thread about it on raisetheriver before you deleted it. At least if you are going to run around being a sly little cunt have the balls to leave it up you tart! Anyway, I love it, what other blogs have one of those bad boys, adds a bit of character! My hits have trebled since that, think the readers are tuning in hoping for a bit blue!!

Anyway, will try and get the first chapter of the bluescouse story up over the weekend. Good luck fish.

Me, Myself and Chris T.

2007-10-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

Roofer and his alter ego, the blogging community and worldwide legend that is Chris T (much love, A-Town down) decided over a late night drinking session in work to set up that mincer burnleyprick. So, I logged onto raisetheriver and made a note of his email addy (which he has since removed, too slow buddy, you snooze you lose!) and decided to add him on msn under the name RocketGirl84@hotmail.co.uk (feel free to add, burnley mick tells me shes hot lol). Anyway, I managed to bluff this fat fucking fish, with the help of a few googled pics, that I was infact a hot young bird. The guy LOVED it! You can tell that he doesnt get any now that hes married, the filth that came from him. Anyway, cut a long story short, the fish sent me his face picture, which I duly informed him myself and Chris T wiould be using for wank material as I was infact the legendary roofer! He immediately blocked me and hasnt unblocked me since. Come on fella I thought we had something good, unblock the roofer and show some love.

Heres BurnleyPricks Pic:

LATE EDIT!!!

Just checked my inbox n that mincer burnleymichael had send me an invitation for the next bloggerment after party! However, I think I will have to decline after being sent a picture of the previous one, which shows amatay, gatsby and burnleyprick doing a bit of 'male bonding' with a special guest appearance from some ginger chap with ginger fingers! Jeez he must smoke a lot. £10 reward out for anyone who can put a name to the fellas face (send emails to scotch@hotmail.com). P.S Amatay, you wernt shitting about your good form in the bedroom department, hope it continues.

ROOFER 1 AMATAY 0 ( Kirby 57 mins lovely volley)

2007-10-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

Basically, Kirbs the German roofer has got that cocksucking pig trot amatay to shit his knickers n close his blog to invited readers only. He thinks im some kind of crazed stalker or something. No shit Sherlock! Talk about slow off the mark. One too many of aunty jones tea cakes you fat fuck.

Note to Amatay you little tart before you start crying your eyes out: (was guna post this in the last comments page but will put it here instead)

Amatay you little pig trot shit house. Just read raise the river. 2 things. 1. Im not chris t. IP tracker it or whatever you can do and issue a public apology please.
2. Im not stalking you, and aint ever been on your facebook lol. Seen enough pics of your porky pig trot to last me a life time.
Got fuck all against you, thought u liked a bit of banter n used to enjoy having a giraffe, till u decided to keep insisting i was chris t n threatened to 'take my head off with a right hook'. Taking libertys you fat sponge. So I thought ill have the pig faced bastard and spook him out. Found out where you worked, thought id shit you out with that bit of info. Worked a treat hey! Bet your ass is going like the clappers. Tart.

So your blogs all safe, grow a pair of balls n get it back up, its not a bad read on the odd occasion. Plus I wana have the pleasure of seing you go broke like the plum you are! ;)

Roofing Memoirs of Kirby the Roofer (As requested by suffolk punch)

2007-07-18T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well Mr not so Young ;) , roofing has been the family trade since poppa roof founded roof construction ltd back in 1982 so I guess from the day I was born I was destined to tread the slates. I started off with the basic flat garage roofs before being promoted to the real mccoy slate roofs on my 18th birthday.

However, its a misconception outside of the roofing world that roofs are made soley of slate or ceramic tiles. Indeed throughout the world it is common for bananna leaves, straw, sea grass, aluminium, precast concrete, or in uncivilised parts of the world, such as scotland, cow shit. However my personal favourite is a good old thatched roof.

Its important for your roof to be properly insulated (a poorly insulated roof will result in up to 90% loss of heat energy in your house and as a result will lump you with a hefty gas bill, that tips for free. ) As my mate Dave says go green or go abroad.

My fondest memory from my roofing days has to be the time I came face to face with living legend. No lies here lads. What happened was, I was in the cotswolds fitting a skylight to a beautiful 14th century thatched roof in a mock tudor cottage. Lovely sky light it was, 3ft by 2ft, millionaire owners no expense spared.

Well anyway I was in the roof, slate hammer out, fitting some insulation when I heard some bells. Wasnt sure if it was my ear drums ringing from all the banging. However I thought to myself whats this so I thought id better go check just incase.

Out comes the step ladder, up I toddle, rung by rung, poke my head out of the newly fitted skylight and what do I come face to face with? A big fat beast of a fella wearing a big red costume,gut out munching on a weight watchers pork pie with a reindeer tagging along behind, yes you guessed it lads, I came face to face with GATSBY CLAUS! And below is the picture to prove it.

Family Album...

2007-07-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Amatay, my cuz, why u gota be dissin a blood relative. Id jus like to remind my cult following, which i might add is probably gona be up along side bluescouses, that amatays porky pig chops DO NOT run in the family. Hes had one to many sunday roasts round our aunty Joans. Look at those chops on big John Parrott, identical. Hes still a good lookin chap tho, which i might add, does run in our family, cracking gene pool hey si? On the poker front, played NL$200, ended session $400 to the good. Big shout out to the North East IT boy gatsby, the only fella with chops to rival amatays.

Hi my names Kirby the German Roofer

2007-07-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Now you've seen my mug shot ill give you a bit of info on myself. Ive been playing online poker for 3 years, in which Ive maxed out many an overdraft due to my poor play. However, lately Ive managed to turn things around and have improved my game enough to break even. Hence the nickname from my mate dave- manbehind the shades blog of Break-Even Brian.

My online poker idol is bluescouse the legend. I was a fan of amatay but since he called Ed a cunt im unsure of this shady pig trot. He is one wild cat! Very chopsy.

SHIP IT, HOLLA, CRUCIALLLLL.

O.A.O

Respect to all my avid readers out there, and amatay you pig trot link me up.